Recent trip to Belgium - Nostalgia was at an all-time high. I remember when I was little, running around the square, tripping up occasionally on the cobbled streets. I remember hiding from the rain inside the many little underground markets and museums. I remember the smell of Belgian waffles and the sound of people in aprons coaxing tourists into their chocolate shop as supposedly their chocolate was actually the "best in Belgium" - unlike the past five hundred vendors or so that claimed the exact same thing.
Everything was the same... the only difference is that I went with my dad and my new family (who rock, btw), but my mother was no where in sight. I kept thinking that I saw her though... Too many women with thigh-high leather boots and a shock of cropped, bleached-blonde hair.
Yeah, these little things were everywhere... Don't ask me. I don't know why. Google it. My brothers couldn't get enough of them; we had to stop at every single one so that they could cackle at it... It got tiresome very quickly.
Meanwhile, living for my little brothers is proving fulfilling and never boring. Ain't they just the most beautifullest? The highlight of my trip was definitely when Stefano (younger) started pointing to random Belgian people, yelling "SLIMEY TURKEYS" whilst Kieran (older) freaked out at him to shut up as Stef was apparently cringe-worthily embarrassing. Attracted quite a crowd... I think a few people even stopped to snap a couple photos of us, too. Oh the wonders of a big family.
I have recently realised, whilst doing our new module of photography at school, that most of my work revolves around my turbulent relationship with my mother. She's incredible, to me. Or, was. She was my mother, loving, caring, making sure that I ate all of my vegetables; and then she was also this superwoman, who travelled to all these strange places and saved people's lives.
When I was twelve, the truth hit me. She's diagnosed with a personality disorder, and a chronic liar. My father and his new family are good to me (I'm not about to complain), but my mother has become a sort of taboo in my house now; the epitome of evil. I had felt torn between my parents for my whole life (my dad: loving, stable, incredibly embarrassing, laid-back, sweat-shirt and jean-clad 'dad'; and my mother: jet-setting superwoman, with all these amazing stories, almost never around, though constantly telling me how beautiful I am; how smart; how funny... but never 'mom' or 'momma'. Always 'Mother') but , trying to please each one has torn me apart. It's impossible being caught in between them. My dad thinks one way, Mother thinks completely another.
My life was made easy, though. Mother hasn't spoken to me in two years; hasn't seen me in three.
I'm not complaining. Why, if this hadn't happened to me, what would I write about? I have found that, as much as I've tried to distance myself from my parents' divorce, it is such a big part of my life... So, why not photograph it?
I have recently fallen in love with Sam Taylor-Wood, when trying to get inspiration and ideas from some secondary research of portrait photography. The photos caught my eye; when I typed in: self portrait photography, I expected a bunch of pensive faces looking into the camera with an intense and frozen stare. Just one glance at her photos, and you can see why I was intrigued....
Sam Taylor-Wood, Self Portrait Photographs
The photos are all about shape... For me, anyway. Not only the shape of her, but the fact that it's being repeated by her shadow. I love the contortions of her body. I love that you can't see her face in these, because, honestly, I think it would take away from the photographs. Many people say that personality shows through your face; that eyes are the windows to the soul (blahblahblah), but I feel that's what makes these photos so interesting - they're brimming with personality and life, even though you can't see her face.
In my opinion, these photos are compositionally incredible. Everything, from the shadow; to the directional lighting; to her face being hidden; to the tilt of the chair, clashing with the uniform planks of the hardwood floor, is perfect. The first three (including the one above^) give me a sense of danger (almost) as if she's falling and is about to get hurt, but is miraculously saved by a photo being taken, as if she's suspended in air, a moment in time. As if she is safe for now, but someday she might continue her fall to the unforgiving floor. (which is a strange sense to get when looking at a photo, as they don't move - they are captured forever... unless you're in Harry Potter, that is).
These next two photos below, I feel, are eerie. It looks as if she's being possessed... like she's unconscious and something else has taken over in her sleep. I love the mirroring effect that the floor has with the ceiling that these photos have, making your eye immediately focus on her, and, again, there's that element of simplicity, youthfulness and surprising life that is brought by the lack of a face.
The thing that I love most about these photos is that I can imagine floating in air (especially from the second one) so easily; these photos seem so real, yet so surreal at the same time.
Sam Taylor-Wood is also a film maker, making short, artistic films (and famed for her short film of David Beckham sleeping), some of which, I have to admit, are disturbing and almost all of which are confusing and representative of some deeper meaning.
Since we are doing a few lessons on still-life photography, I thought that this next short film was not only relevant, but pretty funny in its own little ironic way. I see it as how our bodies decay but our thoughts endure. Pens are used to document our thoughts... And the impression we leave in this world is not by the physical presence of the body, but the thoughts we implant unto others.
So, this pretty much concludes my rant about how great Sam Taylor-Wood is. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. It makes me want to whip out my camera and take pictures of things falling, but I don't know if something on the scale of the pictures would be possible as it seems like a kind of "don't try this at home, kids" type of dealio... I contemplated asking my friends to try and back flip off of the backs of chairs, and similarly to levitate five feet in the air, but alas, some things are just not possible without some sort of special equipment.
